Its quiet, deep silence looms large while the air is pure and crisp, the temperature is just perfect, the solitude is even more exhilarating and its wide open, so much space… Too dark to see her fingers but She stretches out, and what a wonderful feeling. This must be how a black hole feels like, she might have just discovered the mystery that plagues the scientific community.

As her eyes remain stagnant without blinking or wondering about, she starts to see sparks, not the type you see in the morning when the sunlight hits your eyes as your mother opens your curtains in a deliberate attempt to get you going.

No this is something more , something special, something selfish. “tranquillity ” if i may say so myself.. She follows the twinkling , shape shifting lights with her fingers and a big smile on her face..

Another one down the hatch, another pill to pop open the gates.

It gets more intense, and she couldn’t be happier, calmer or free as she is at this moment.

This is the best thing ever, damn what they said in school, they just judged what they did not know, what they hadn’t experienced..

My motto : dont knock it till You try it.

And look at me now, i found what we as the human race has been searching for all our lives, the true meaning of life, what are we supposed to be between birth and death, how can i be free, this is it these 30 minutes of euphoria.

She opens her eyes and finally looks up, the liberation is over, she is back on the front lines, the war isn’t over yet and she has to look around and find that reality goes no where, it is the one thing you can rely on, never to change..

At her right side is her mother, who is asleep on the couch. To her left is her little daughter, the love of her life.

Who am i?! My name is Eric, i am what you call a grim reaper and as i tell this story i am about to take Alice to her new reality.

This article is about the sensation and aftermath of abusing prescription drugs.

Its a little after 7am in the morning. The peeping sun is coming to full view like a 2 year old playing hide and seek. The thick orange glare being emitted as the cracking of outstretched bones is heard accompanied by a distant yawn lacking any conviction with sorrow as its backbone.Yes!! Today is the day.. The final day to actually see the love of my life. The most important person in the world to me. The one who checks all my boxes.

Its been a long road filled with happiness and the occasional angry spats, all lovers have this experience, so am not telling you something new.

By now am fully dressed and haven’t even gotten the chance to enjoy the sunrise, for who cares right? I was born and it was there and i will die and leave there! That’s how inconsequential my life is to a sunset and a sunrise.I walk through those white walls in the morning, looking at nothing but the floor, accidentally bump into a beautiful woman wearing all white clothes with a navy blue jacket. I say my apologies without looking at her face and move onwards, for i have seen a couple of times. My destination is clear, the heaviness in my heart is also clear and the tantrum am gonna throw after this is also clear.

Then james blunt pops into my head :

Good bye my lover , goodbye my friend.

You have been the one, you have been the one for me…

I start to breakdown but i am a man, men don’t cry in public. You find a quiet corner with your bottle of whiskey and blame it on the liquor.I enter the room. It quiet, just little machine noices in the background playing on a rhythm. Its a sign of the times i say, while i approach the white coat. We don’t exchange pleasantries, like who has time for that shit..

I say in a shaky voice,

It’s time , but i don’t know i can handle this..

Response; with an arm on my shoulder,

any last words?

I node, to imply i dont.

As the life support plug is pulled by the doctor and i see the love of my life die infront of my eyes…. Her last words are,

Thank you My son…

We’ve been together for more than a decade now. We have had our ups and downs. The downs taking the trophy but hey, it’s not a competition.

I’ve been thinking about us and our coexistence and it’s become apparent that you have forsaken me. Luck is no longer by my side and so are you. I worry that, if i go you will forget me. I will be just another status in your phone to showcase to your contact list, my existence with you and the experiences we shared will be conveyed in a few words at the bottom of my picture.” R.I.P ,YOU WERE A GOOD SOUL”

It is said that we as humans die twice, once is when they bury in the grave and the second is the last time someone mentions your name.

We had something special, we talked about our 10yr,20yr even 30yr plans with the depiction of us being together. But now all i feel is me pushing myself onto you as you gently try to shrug me off, maybe the love is still there, maybe am being tested, i dont know what to think anymore. Ooh Merimela can you just be clear for once. As clear as day and night as clear as my bladder after a couple of beers. I have done everything you have asked of me but i don’t see anyway out of this corner I’ve been thrust into.

Dear Merimela please give me a sign, you owe me that much.

To.

Life aka Merimela

From.

A leaf blown by your breeze.

What’s happening ? I feel like my heart is beating out of my chest ,It feels hot and humid as i feel the sweat accumulating , my vision is getting blurry, i can’t seem to think straight, my voice is all croaky and my knees feel weak.

I keep playing down different scenarios in my mind but when am i going to put them to use? Which one am i gonna choose ?

“Take heart, be strong, you can do this!” (words to self)

I lift my head, look straight at my destination ,take a deep calming breath.

Innnnnnnnn ..

Outtttttttttt ..

Its now or never, can’t let chances like these just pass me by? What’s the worse that could happen?

I stop and take a discreet sniff of my self. Just to confirm my cologne “on flick“. Ever notice that when you try to smell yourself for reassurance you always smell the sweat that isn’t actually there? Or is that just me?

Now i have a speck of understanding about the phrase “long walk to freedom”. I have deemed myself worthy ,maybe its the confidence I’ve collected in that instance or the adrenaline running through my veins, but whichever one it is ,am glad its giving me a boost.

Hi, my name is Lucy (said in a shaky voice)

Nice to meet you Lucy, i go by Malik. How may i be of assistance?

Ummmh, am just gonna go right ahead and say it, i think you are attractive and was wondering if you’d be willing to go on a date with me?

Wow, thanks Lucy, I’d love to.

Great, can i get your phone number so as to link up?

Its 07…….

Ill call or text you. Bye(walks away with a swing of satisfaction)

“If you want something go get it, times are changing ” now I’ve become a motivational speaker.

“excuse me miss, would you like something else”

Sh**t, i just realized i was trapped in one of my scenarios. I look up to find the chance that i didn’t take was walking away.

What should i do?

A soft breeze blows with a dash of humidity and the taste of heavy dried up clay soil. Its so hot!!yet its merely 7:30 in the morning. The sun hasn’t fully freed the moon of it’s burden yet. There are two sounds being picked out, one is the clunking of metal and the other is the in sync Inhales and exhales that surround the enclosed space.

Why is it shaking so vigorously ?yet at the same time accompanied by a soft voice echoing from a distance . What’s the voice saying?? To whom are those words directed to?? I think its a woman’s voice ,sounds responsible and still figuring out life while coming to terms with its “unfairity”. It Gets louder with an increase in pitch and urgency  being noted.

Ericcc! Ericcc!

Amka tumefika..

Amka tushuke..

Eric amka!!

Ooh yeah that’s the voice of my mother, and Eric is my name. I look around the space we are in, then i glance outside at the big plateau facing me, daring me to hold it, so i stretch out my arm but only end up brushing it as i am swayed to the side then back again. My ears open up and its not as quiet as i thought, women are speaking behind me, others are laughing, some are making plans.(its Sunday by the way) all this is being done in a language i haven’t fully grasped.

I was swayed and floated then realized that the “matatu”/bus was departing and i was holding my mother’s hand. She looks so huge from where am standing, i can only lookup and see the bottom of her chin. She looks down at me and ask me a question, she always asks this question, do all mothers asks this question??

Are you okay my baby??

I shake my head in agreement. Its time to walk now. I throw some quick glances around this small town covered in red soil and countable brick buildings. I get some stares back, they are intrigue stares.

Why is he dressed like that?

Those clothes must be expensive?

I see that woman is back this year?

Does he think he is better than us?

dissecting the stares.

I finally notice this woman holding my hand has a big bag or her back, the other hand is also occupied by some shopping, and here i am almost opening my mouth to say i don’t wanna walk anymore after just 50meters. (what a shame)

Where are we going ??

Forward of course.

To be continued….

“spinning in circles, living my life without rehearsal for if i die today was i really worthy?? should this be my last breath am blessed it was purposeful .”

Why do we care what others think of us?? As i was lounging on my couch scrolling through my YouTube timeline i found an intriguing story. It may not be as compelling as a man who has the biggest penis, or a lady with the longest fingernails, but it was captivating at the least.

A lady of 24yr was happily married to a 67yr old man. What do you think of that??? Astonishing right?! There has to be an ulterior motive at play, right?? The man wasn’t wealthy, he was just your normal retiree eating his pension awaiting his demise. The white couple are featured on the news not because of their love but because they need to tell society why this is happening, most specifically the lady. They have a new born baby together. #manpower

As i was watching the story, i asked myself why i cared what she said?? I don’t know her, or do you?? And what business what is it of mine?? And more specifically why were the comments so full of individuals trying to dissect her words??

She explained how she loved the man and wanted to make a life with him. The man didn’t say much, just that he had finally found someone whom they clicked with. A 67 year old “clicking” with a 24yr old !! Bogus!!!!

It dawned on me that age is not maturity , for the longer you live the more experienced you become, but does the experience count really? Times change, society changes everyday, so your experience wont be of help to the next generation for your times are different… So at the end we are all the same age, just depends on the influence society has on you.. Don’t be a slave!! Or so i should say.

I say live your life, for the statement i started with is what you will ask yourself before you approach your death bed. And finally;

2 bulls sit atop of a hill with cows grazing at the bottom, the young bull says “lets run down and fuck one”

the older wiser bull with years of experience says”no! Lets fuck them all”

Point being, you can never fuck em all, choose that one cow and fuck it good ..

Make your own decisions don’t let the wise define your role in life.

Have you ever Followed something So intensely till the corner of your eye couldn’t keep up?? ? And this is not like staring at a big butt or the back of that BMW M5. It’s something you’ll see and obsess over on how it would be like just having it. I was 16yrs when i first had this experience back in 2009 when fashion was taking a turn and we were healing as a nation from the atrocities of the elections years before.

A reflection on the window but i saw her, yes her!! She was dark curvy and the new body shape at the time, yes she was thick, I’ve never fallen so hard(neither did i know what love is) ,but i knew she was out of my league so i made the motion and moved on.

Fast forward two years on, August the 8th a day after my 18th birthday ,i saw her again and the surprising factor is , my mother introduced us(how many can say that) and that was the inception of our relationship , with a simple hand shake of approval you’d think i was uhuru and she raila.

The road was ruff, But the first two years were a breeze, calm, fruitful and full of joy. The problems started on end Of the second year when i made new friends and they came to like each, so my time with “fyn gal” had been cut by half, we didn’t see each other for weeks for she was hanging out with my friends, jealousy kicked in but what could i do??

she had always been fragile, can’t say i wasn’t joyous that she was sick for she came back to me. For a few months i had to spend a lot of money getting her treatment to heal her illness . finally she was okay not 100% but it was enough , now the mood swings kicked in, one day she would go all blue on me, the next she would be orange. I had to schedule tasks for she would get headaches if i gave her to much to do .

Now as our 7 year anniversary is closely approaching, i wanted to let her know how much i value her and love her,she even forgave me when i dated a light skin girl for a while, for better for worse.

So this is for my dark, thick, curvy, exceptional and loyal girl dell inspiron ( my cherished laptop .)

Ps. The lights skin is my mac book pro